The God who sees me

“Roll your works upon the Lord – commit and trust them wholly to Him; {He will cause your thoughts to become agreeable to His will, and} so shall your plans be established and succeed.”
Proverbs 16:3 (Amplified)

A verse spoken over me in my early twenties. A verse that God breathes over me. Never demanding. Never pushing. He sees me. He sees it all. And meets me in each moment.

The people pleaser in me doesn’t respond well to this idea of rolling my works, committing to the Lord. The people pleaser wants to please people at all costs – to myself, to God, to becoming who God calls me to be.

I think I am too much. Or not enough. I thinking I am failing or succeeding depending on others’ responses. That’s sick and twisted. God calls me deeper. He calls me to Himself alone. To forget the past. To forget my need for people pleasing. He calls me to Him. He calls out my deceitful need and replaces it with truth and health and wellness. My God doesn’t ask for me to get my shit together, to clean myself up, to defend, to explain, to excuse my behavior.

Why do I choose misery and bondage when God wants me to be me, to be His?

In His presence, though, in His presence, I am wholly beautiful, wholly confident, secure, seen. It has nothing to do with me, it has everything to do with who my God is. And He consumes the lies over and over. He refuses to let this be my story. He sees me.

I keep trying to checklist my life away. Work? Check. Bible reading? Check. Go to church? Check. And then the checklist takes a nosedive into matters such as what can I do to make people be more happy with me, what can I be that will make people proud of me.

God crushes that checklist. The checklist is useless. The checklist is meaningless. I can’t meet the criteria. It’s impossible. I can’t. I’m stubborn. And a runner. And rebellious. And I do not like rules. I don’t want to be manipulated or have people shackle me with their bullshit guilt. I seethe, rage against constraints and boundaries. And other days when I am weary, I cower and give in to the guilt. I accept their guilt as my portion. But this isn’t what God destined for me. My satisfaction, my ontological self is wrapped only in Him – Him alone.

Today, as in other moments, I see this clearly. I choose God – I choose His best – I am all in. He will transform me. He will be ever patient. Ever resolute. No guilt. No condemnation. No manipulation.

He made me.
He sees me.

And my God doesn’t call me the labels I call myself. He doesn’t do anything but love.
Love.
Love.
Love.
Loves unfairly. Loves so fiercely and uncomplicated I can’t possibly comprehend its purity, its humbleness, its unadulterated strength.

Today, I choose God. I choose my Savior. And I will keep choosing Him.

I choose to let Him love me. Regardless of how I think I don’t deserve it. Regardless of how I have been, or was, or will be. I choose Him. His love. His seeing me.

I rest in this. I thrive in Him alone.
Today I say no to people pleasing.
I have eyes, ears, and a heart that is bending toward Him not toward people pleasing.

I taste
I see
I feel
I experience true, boundless freedom.

“…You are the God who sees me…”
Genesis 16:3

Sent with Writer.

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