Getting back to basics: Resistance

I text my best friend: “I am so sick of fear keeping me from posting to my blog! Ugh! I just wanna shove a middle finger in fear’s face!”

She immediately responds, “You do every time you post.”

Bam. There’s truth in its finest form. It cuts through all the bullshit and calls me to do the thing that scares me most. Truth calls to me. Truth tells me to come out of hiding and confront my fear.

I haven’t felt resistance like this ever before. Ever.

This resistance is so strong. So visceral. So epic. I need to understand it.

Is it trying to keep me from my destiny?
Absolutely.
Is it tying me down with fear?
Yes. The fear is suffocating. It’s nipping at my heels. It’s chasing me down. I am uneasy.

Resistance is a bully.
Resistance has sized me up and has incapacitated me with ill-drawn comparisons.  It doesn’t want me to shine light on the darkness. It doesn’t want me to entertain the shadow side. It doesn’t want me to wander. And wonder.

Resistance wants to immobilize. Paralysis of the mind. Paralysis of my writing.
Resistance feeds on my hesitation.

There it is: Resistance feeds on my hesitation.

Oh hell.

Hesitate and I’m a goner.
Hesitate and resistance shoves me right back in the corner.
Hesitation is costing me.

Turn off the monkey mind.
Silence the inner critic.
Face my fear and write, damn it, write.

My name is Kristen and I am a writer.

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15 comments

  1. Love it!! Keep pushing through the fear. Keep writing. You ARE a writer. You are doing something that matters, or the fear would not be there. Don’t give up! I believe in you!

  2. I love it. You know you have something worth saying when the Resistance is so suffocating. I feel the same way. But we both can say: I. Write. Anyway.

  3. Keeks, I’m so glad you stopped by my blog. I think we’re meant to be friends. I popped over to see what you’re up to and to my delight you’re boldly proclaiming yourself a writer. Have you read Natalie Goldberg’s Writing Down the Bones? Let me just quote this part: When you wake up and before you go to sleep, say, “I am a writer.” It’s so bold a statement and so imperative to who God has called me to be that I actually had it inscribed on my iPad as a reminder to myself. And here you are reminding me again. Thanks.

    1. Alicia! Thank you for stopping my blog! And I agree – Let’s be friends! Natalie Goldberg is one of my faves! I’m rereading that book at the moment but forgot about the ritual of saying “I am a writer.” Have you read Steven Pressfield’s “War of Art”?

      1. Awesome! Let me know what you think when you read it. I pretty much have “War of Art” and “Writing down the Bones” in constant rotation. : )

  4. I struggle with fear as well. Because I have inadvertently branded myself based on the contents of and release of my book and the following I have acquired who expects the same subject line from me, I feel inhibited, censored and fear writing on various topics that too are important to my growth as a writer as well as the need to be able to vent and rant when needed but, to expose myself in a different light to people who have this “idea” about me is wrote scary.

    1. I imagine it is quite scary! BUT here’s the awesome thing about us as writers – we are constantly searching, striving, and discovering for ourselves. I always enjoy writers who move beyond what I expect – it is a delight to read each of their works. You are doing fantastic!

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