On this the one-year anniversary

It’s been one year.

One year since I had 12 inches of my hair cut off. Drove to work. And got fired. Sorry, I mean laid off. And I know it’s not personal (that’s what management kept reassuring me) – it’s just business.

It’s been one year since I sent out an infamous text to my close circle (“those fuckers just laid me off!”). And one year and thirty minutes later pulled up at my best friend’s home and within a few minutes we were on our way to pick up a dear friend and headed to Mamasita’s where we Cinco de Mayo’d our way into forgetfulness.

It’s been one year since I peeled myself off a cool tiled floor and answered my phone. It was Chris asking me to come over for dinner and hang with him. One year since he cooked and served me my favorites and encouraged me that everything was going to be just fine.

It’s been one year since I went from working for the Dark Tower and living in cubicle purgatory and working insane hours at two jobs just to make ends meet.

One year since my greatest fear was greeting me face to face: UNEMPLOYMENT.

This has been scary shit, ya’ll.

But

But

BUT

You know what I discovered?

God is still good.

And you know what getting laid of was personal. But God is bigger than some Dark Tower and cubicle hell.

My God is a God of personal and personnel.

God saved me by allowing me to fall.

He loved me so much he set me free from the direction that was causing all sorts of depression and stress and disconnectedness.

God loved me so much he let me suffer and sweat and in this turmoil I discovered new hope and a clarity I had been aching for.

Being laid off has had moments of excruciating pain but it did not kill me.

Instead I found passion and joy and energy.

And even in my doubts

I know

I know

I know

God has ordered my steps and He is a good God.

No matter what.

No matter circumstances.

Or situations.

Or outward criticisms.

Or extreme doubts.

No matter what God is a good and faithful God.

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9 comments

  1. Perfect first post! Had to get out a box of kleenex. So touching and so encouraging. You know you're right…God is bigger and we've only seen a glimpse of how big He is. He sees the big picture while we just see a small corner of it. Here's to God…our Provider of new jobs and new opportunities. The One who is able to do immeasurably more than anything we can think or imagine!!

  2. I love it! So open and honest. Kyndal: Amen Sister! Here's to…God and the future and the amazing work He will do. May we all show our faith in Him as we live our lives!

    1. I do! There is just something about facing, confronting, and experience our greatest fears – it does bring immense freedom – and great hope in trusting God to do “immeasurably more than all we ask or can imagine” (Ephesians 3:20, 21).

  3. Love this word! My favorite part, that I myself struggle with:
    “Being laid off has had moments of excruciating pain but it did not kill me. Instead I found passion and joy and energy. And even in my doubts I know… know…I know God has ordered my steps and He is a good God. No matter what. No matter circumstances. Or situations. Or outward criticisms. Or extreme doubts. No matter what God is a good and faithful God.”
    Break it down even farther: “Excruciating pain but it did not kill me…even in my doubts I know…I KNOW He is a good God.” That’s moving…as bad as it might get, it’s not going to kill me. Thing is, you have to walk through some crap to find that out! Thanks, K! 😉
    “Many believe that God never gives you more than you can handle. (This isn’t true.) God will often give you more than you can handle so you can learn to depend on HIM!” ~ Craig Groeschel

  4. Wow, I was there when it all hit. I’ve watched you walk this past year. You walk taller now and yet, you’re cloaked in humility about it. Never would I want those pangs for you and man were there some deep wounds. Here’s what I know now that I didn’t know then. You’re right about the fears and freedom. I’m about a year behind you in seeing this. I lost my job through a lawsuit, lost my way of life, lost half my family, lost my savings, and topped it off with my husbands job as well. A slow bleeding it was that followed. It was excruciating at times and you are correct, it doesn’t kill you. Even if it did we’d still be ok because we’d be eternally home. But the bleeding continued. I lost my house. I faced one of my greatest fears – instability. I moved in with my mom. Moved in with my mom in a much much smaller place and brought my children, husband and 2 dogs with me. Low…low…low point. Then, He became my stability. For those who don’t know our story let me not leave out that in all the unbelievable awful that happened during that time God provided in major ways. He provided in the ways you think of when someone says that; food, gas bill, transportation etc. but He went deeper and provided my son whose smile quieted my angry, questioning, desperately disbelieving soul over, and over, and over again. No matter how badly I wanted to believe God had left me and could not be trusted, my son’s prescence wouldn’t let me. His very existence had a deep, strong confidence that could not be refuted – God cares…a whole, whole, whole lot. He’s an Ephesians 3:20-22 God… period. Thank you for being vulnerable about your pain dear friend of mine. It is speaking to me this one year later. I’m so proud of you…

    1. Thank you, Elle! We’ve both been through it, haven’t we? And yet it is so very beautiful! I love to see your confidence blossom in the heartache. I love to see you redirecting your steps, mirroring your Father’s. I love you!

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